Cal Brown Makes Statement Of Remorse
WALLA WALLA STATE PENITENTIARY — Cal Brown, the convicted murderer scheduled to die overnight for the 1991 murder of Holly Washa, made a statement of remorse to the state Clemency Board Thursday afternoon.
Here is statement of remorse, transcribed verbatim from an audio clip of the teleconference held between the Clemency Board in Olympia and Brown at the State Penitentiary in Walla Walla.
I cannot begin to tell you how sorry and ashamed I am for what I’ve done. Back in 1991, I was in a very dark place. I met Holly Washa just before the Memorial Day weekend, I think it was. She was a young woman, she was full of life. I and I alone am responsible for ending her life.
If there was any way I could go back … any way I could turn back the clock knowing what I now know about my mental situation and have a chance to give her back to the world, I would do so.
I can’t use my lack of treatment for a disease I didn’t fully understand as any kind of excuse, none whatsoever – it cannot excuse what I did.
Killing Holly Washa did not just deprive her – didn’t just deprive her of her own life, as horrible as that is. It took her away from her friends and her family far, far too soon.
My acts are so horrible and appalling to myself, when I had a chance – once I was arrested for something else, I voluntarily turned myself in. I was – you know – I confessed, I gave a full accounting of my actions.
While I know that that can’t give a lot of comfort to Holly’s family or friends right now or anybody else.
I hope the fact that she haunts me – she does, she haunts me to this day – every day – that might help. I don’t know … there’s not been one day since that time that I have not felt horrible about what I did. If there was any way I could tell the family that, I would do so. If there was any way I could bring her back, I would do so. I can’t.
God knows I wish I could, but I can’t.